


Early Morning Longing

by lonely_beez



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, bc kenhina are qpp's and no one can convince me otherwise, but like??? kind of, just some kinda like... intrusive thoughts and stuff but not like super angsty, kinda fluffly, queer platonic kenhina!!!, queer platonic relationship, very emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9517808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonely_beez/pseuds/lonely_beez
Summary: It's too late and their minds are too loud with the thoughts of missing each otherOr,Kenma and Hinata haven't seen each other for many months and they are slowly dying because of it





	1. -1:10am-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is!!!! really venty!!! i'm sorry!!! tbqh i cried multiple times while writing this haha it's so personal to me!!!! also the format of this chapter is??? really weird i am SO SORRY.. okay but yeah, if you've read SOTF (though this is completely unrelated to SOTF) then you know that me and GB have our more-or-less assigned characters that we're each better at writing, so of course GB is going to write the second chapter of this from Hinata's pov so look forward to that!! - Maya
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)

**_-1:10am-_ **

 

Kenma was homesick and tired. His brain was yelling at him and everything was too bright and he couldn’t find a quiet enough place to hide from his thoughts.

At some point Kenma had ended up curled in a ball on the floor at the foot of his bed, his head buried in his arms, while his hands held onto a neatly folded letter like it was the only thing keeping him from breaking entirely.

 

**_-1:36am-_ **

 

Kenma wasn’t sure how exactly to describe what he was feeling. It was like some satanic mix of sadness, longing, and feeling homesick for a home he knew he didn’t have.

 

**_-1:42am-_ **

 

Kenma’s tears became heavier, the precious letter in his hands almost catching a droplet of it’s own before he moved it to a safer resting place beside him, his hands still gripping it tightly.

 

**_-2:07am-_ **

 

Kenma knew why he was crying. If you were to ask him, he’d be able to tell you. He was crying because he missed Hinata.

Hinata, his best friend who he’d known for what felt like a lifetime by now.

Hinata, his queer platonic partner who everyone thought he was dating.

Hinata, the only person to know how deep Kenma’s mental instability runs.

Hinata, Kenma’s personal sunshine.

Hinata, who lived almost 2,000 miles away.

 

That last thought left a weight in Kenma’s chest.

 

**_-2:23am-_ **

 

Kenma and Hinata hadn’t seen each other face-to-face in months and Kenma just kept feeling worse and worse.

Sure, they skype whenever they’re able, call every couple days, and text every day, but it’s not the same.

Something in Kenma’s chest still feels tight when he can see Hinata’s face, but he’s still too far away to pull into a real hug.

 

**_-2:45am-_ **

 

Kenma missed Hinata’s face, his hair, his voice, his laugh, his smile, his everything. He missed Hinata more than he had previously realized was humanly possible.

 

**_-2:58am-_ **

 

Kenma felt homesick for a home he didn’t have, because he wasn’t homesick for a building or place, he was homesick for a person.

Hinata was that person.

 

**_-3:03am-_ **

 

Kenma never felt like he belonged. He never felt like he really fit in with any group of people, in any particular place. The first time Kenma felt like he belonged, was when him and Hinata had first started talking again. Kenma had felt a bit less hopeless and actually felt like he could do things and not just laze around all day, because he had a reason.

The reason being that he wanted to be able to tell Hinata about what he had done that day. As simple and silly as it sounds, that’s what usually, even subconsciously, gets Kenma to do things, even if he doesn’t want to do it. He wants to be able to tell Hinata about his day without just saying that he had ‘laid around’.

 

He doesn’t want to disappoint him.

 

**_-3:24am-_ **

 

There wasn’t a moment in the day that Kenma didn’t think about, and simultaneously miss Hinata. No matter what Kenma did, his mind would always wonder until he reached Hinata. It was always,

‘Oh Hinata would like this’

‘Hinata would love this shirt’

‘I wonder if Hinata has heard this song’

‘I wish Hinata was here’

‘I wish I could hug Hinata’

‘I wish Hinata didn’t live so far away’

‘I miss Hinata’

 

**_-3:47am-_ **

 

Kenma raised the letter in his hand so it was lying softly against his forehead, his hair creating a veil so all he could see were the sideways words written on the notebook paper. The words in the neat but messy and so very nice handwriting that belonged to Hinata. The pink pen that Hinata had used to write with had smudged in a couple of places but that only made Kenma love the letter even more.

 

The letter was something that Hinata had sent along with Kenma’s Christmas presents. It was an entire two pages filled top-to-bottom and back-to-front with reasons why Hinata thought Kenma was a good person. The first time Kenma read it, he had cried his eyes out, being careful not to stain the paper. The second, third, and fourth times he’d read it, he’d already been crying, and it was the only thing he could find to ground him from getting lost in his own head.

Kenma was so thankful for this letter. This letter had saved him from doing stupid things, and saved him from his intrusive thoughts more times than he’d like to admit. This letter was one of the few things that means almost as much to him as Hinata himself.

Kenma had meant to write a letter back, but his thoughts were always so jumbled and out of order that he couldn’t make a coherent enough sentence to properly potray how much he cared for Hinata.

Kenma honestly cared for Hinata more than he cared for himself.

 

**_-4:13am-_ **

 

  _To my Hinata,_

_You are the light of my life. Your smile has brightened many of my days, and your laugh has done the same. Just so much as talking to you can make me feel a thousand times better. I know you don’t believe me, but I love your eyes. They are so beautiful and I could stare at them for hours and still not have seen every detail hidden within them. When you blush you somehow become even cuter, how is that even possible? You are my favorite person in the entire world, and the most important person to me on top of that. Your hair is the nicest shade of red-ish/orange and I have slowly fallen more and more in love with how it looks when you ruffle it. I don’t know how you’ve done it, but you have somehow managed to pull me out of my shell and become even the slightest bit more comfortable talking about my feelings, even if it’s only with you. My best friend, my qpp, my future roommate, you mean the world to me. You have saved me and I have saved you and you have kept me on this earth even at times where I have questioned my ability to do so, and I have done the same for you. You matter to me more than any other person in this world, and I cannot express how much I care about you, no matter how many times I try._

_My dear,_

_I love you so fucking much, okay?_

_From your Kenma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp... that was something. i hope everyone liked it!! feel free to comment if you'd like to talk or anything! thanks for reading :-) - Maya
> 
> my tumblr(s): wizardkenma (anime), homicidal-alien (main)
> 
> personal ao3: Maya_Kristin (I may update more on there bc I write more random one-shots and things)


	2. 3:10 a.m.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata wants to be there for his friend but how can he when he doesn't know how to help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is kind of fluffy but also kind of sad. It is what happens at three a.m. from Hinata's perspective. This chapter is not near as good as Maya's but I hope you enjoy it. It became a little more rambley and repetitive than I originally intended but I figure since it's supposed to be written in the middle of the night that's okay.
> 
> -GB

**1:15**

                It was kind of quiet today. Not enough talking, there was too much space, not enough meaningless conversation to pass the time and fill the void.  Hinata sat in front of his homework, too tired to think about the history paper he was writing and too lonely not to think about how he hadn’t talked to Kenma in a while. Tokyo was too far away.

**1:45**

                Radio silence, at least that’s how it felt. Obviously, it wasn’t, it was only one day of not texting. He shouldn’t be this greedy for attention. He shouldn’t feel so lonely. He had talked to people all day. Of course, he had harassed Kageyama a lot and had Suga and Daichi lectured him a practice for being spacy but, he was lonely. He missed Kenma’s quiet reassurance and silently supportive existence. The ease with which Hinata could talk to him and the calm that always overcame him when they were together.

                More than anything though, Hinata missed the casual and carefree feeling he got whenever he heard Kenma’s voice. The fact that Kenma could make him laugh at even the most difficult things and look at the world differently. Kenma was so wonderful, and he didn’t even know it. He thought he wasn’t good enough and he was so, so wrong.

 

**_Message to: Kenma Kozume_ **

**Hinata:**

Hey Kenma!

**Kenma Kozume:**

Hey

                                                **Hinata:**

                                                What’s up?

**Kenma Kozume:**

Nothing really

                                                **Hinata:**

                                                How was practice today?

                                                Did you have practice today?

**Kenma Kozume:**

Yeah I did and it was good I guess

nothing out of the norm

                                                **Hinata:**

                                                What’s wrong?

                                                You seem quieter than usual

**Kenma Kozume:**

Just the usual, depression etc.

I had a day today

It was one of those days

 

**Kenma Kozume is typing…**

 

**Kenma Kozume:**

Sometimes…

it feels like I’ll never get out of this.

Like I’m leaning over an abyss

and I’m about to fall in.

If I fall in I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out.

                                                **Hinata:**

                                                Well, even if you fall into the pit

                                                I’ll always be here with a rope to pull you up.

                                                Don’t worry <3

                                                You’ll never be stuck down there

**Kenma Kozume:**

I hope so…

 

 

**2:10**

                It was one of those nights, the nights where Kenma lost himself to dark thoughts that should have no place in his mind. His mind should be free of shadows and foreboding whispers. He should be happy and carefree not burdened by his own worst thoughts. Kenma really was his own worst enemy. Why couldn’t Kenma understand how amazing he was? Why couldn’t he see himself the way other people did? How smart and wonderful and beautiful and amazing he is? Because he is, and Hinata misses him more than anything in the world.

                Kenma doesn’t always believe if but Hinata needs him just as much as Kenma needs Hinata. Hinata needs him like he needs air to breath and a roof over his head. He needs the freedom to ‘just be’ that only Kenma can give him. The unwavering understanding and support in every situation, but also the firm grasp of reality and a cornerstone. He needs him…

 

**2:30**

Why did he have to be so many miles away? How did this happen? How? It seemed cruel for the universe to separate them like that. They shouldn’t have to suffer millions of miles away, never being able to see the concrete proof of the others existence. There needed to be hugs and holding hands and evidence for his eyes to be sure that Kenma was real. Sometimes the whole thing felt like a surreal dream. It felt like at any moment he could wake up and find out it wasn’t real, Kenma would be gone and he’d be lost again, a star without the rest of the galaxy, alone in space. He never wanted to go back to that feeling again. He never wanted to be without his galaxy, all the other stars to guide him. Kenma was his universe, he may be the sun, but Kenma was the milky way and he reveled in his light. Too bad like a galaxy it far away.

                It hurt, in a place different from what Hinata was used to. It wasn’t the same kind of hurt like falling down on the volley ball court it was the kind of hurt where there is a space in one’s heart. Not so much a hole but a void, a vacuum stealing all the moments that should have been spent together. It is a suble throbbing in one’s chest, not really painful until he took notice of it, then he couldn’t get the pain out of his head. Every night, the dull throb a reminder of the important piece of him that wasn’t where it should be. Hinata hated that void. He was homesick for something he didn’t know. All he knew was that Kenma was on what felt like the other side of the world and it was too far.

 

**3:10**

**_Message to: Kenma Kozume_ **

**Hinata:**

My Kenma,

                                                I am very tired it is very

                                                late here but I wanted to

                                                send you message and tell

                                                you how much I miss your

                                                face and voice and laugh and

                                                just everything about you, I

                                                miss it all and I can’t wait for

                                                the day, hopefully soon where I

                                                can hug you again and see your

                                                face with my own eyes. I love you

                                                and I miss you. My queer platonic

                                                partner, my other half. I will talk

                                                to you tomorrow. You are the

                                                galaxy to my star.

 

**Kenma Kozume is typing…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. Gosh I just realized how rambley this is rereading it... It's kind of a just a feed of thoughts that go through my head when I'm missing my qpp/best friend and I guess I just always think in complex metaphors? Sorry if it's a little bit hard to understand. Also apologies if the formatting is weird, I'm not really sure how to format text message stuff in writing? How does one do that? But anyways, thanks for reading!  
> -GB
> 
> Follow my tumblrs:  
> Main: a-snail-with-no-motivatio  
> Anime: sunshine-brib-hinata


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